再来

虽然说过很多次了，可是还要再说一次，

我一定要

发奋图强！！！！！！！！！！！！

马路

过马路，他轻轻拉我的手，说我过马路很紧张，怕我突然冲过去。

我说哪有。

他说有。

这是他握我的手过马路的理由，好不好笑？


有感觉吗？

有，就老朋友的感觉。我没多想，回家倒头就睡，他怎么想，我不想知道。

祝他幸福快乐，我自己也一样。:)

只谈公事

电话响了2次，没接。

星期五下午5点半开始，一直到星期一早上9点，我不工作。

除了公事，除了利用，我们之间没什么好谈的。

所以，工作以外的时间，他的电话我不接。

不想忙了一星期，还要忙着服务他。

想通了。放开了。

管不着

我们很久没见了，那天他讯息我说接下来这几个星期会很忙，准备功课和考试。

见不见，没分别。一星期没见，一个月没见，一年没见，又怎样？

昨晚他打给我，我在戏院看戏。走去停车场拿车时我打给他，他说他刚才打给我时在我家附近，想问我要不要夜宵喝茶，可是现在回到家了。我说那么改次吧。挂了电话之后，他又打来，说要小心，不要乱乱跑，说话的声音柔柔细细的，好像在叮咛女朋友一样。我说知道了现在就回。

我不知道他是真的关心我，还是需要被我喜欢的感觉？我最近很忙都没联络他，他是不是觉得我冷落他了没喜欢他了所以他要挽回我对他的感觉？

你若不喜欢我，就不要对我那么好。
你若真的喜欢我，就要对我更加好一点。

之前他有和我说过有两个女生在“追”他，哦，那很好，我说。关我什么事？要我妒嫉吧？心想。今天，我开工，他没。我心想，他会不会乘假期和那女生出去了？可能吧。

管不着在我范围之外的事。

管不着。

也可能因为我的冷淡，错失了和他在一起的机会。

我是还在意他，可是我可以装作不在意。
我是还喜欢他，可是我可以装作不喜欢。

藏在心里就好。

最近

最近，
只爱淡淡的笑。

最近，过得时好时坏，
像槟岛的天气，时雨时晴。

偶尔开心，
偶尔落寞，
偶尔思念，
偶尔孤独，
偶尔无助，
偶尔不知所措。

昨晚

9:38 pm，我拿了车钥匙离开家，没换衣服，什么也没带，只带了钱包。

50km/h的时速，我开了22公里。一个人，经过Queensbay，经过Sg Nibong车站，经过Tesco，经过USM，经过有钱人家，经过Equatorial，经过Pisa。越开头越晕，越开越想吐，跑进右边车道几次，我右手生命线有条阻碍线，好像告诉自己冷眼看你横行到几时。

兜了一圈回到家，又怎样？不能改变什么。堕落又怎样，什么也改变不了。

下一个追我的人，我一定嫁给他。

什么也不要去想。

我不要想了。

就让时间，冲淡一切。

我不会再见他。

不会再见。

Mix feel

If you ask me how I feel now, I can't really tell. It's a mixture of disappointments and upsets.

I am in a project and really needs some help. Well, my ex-company has the system set up properly and I guess I can go there to do some study and he might be able to help since he has ERP background. If I need to go back to my ex-company, of cause he will need to be there because I can't just go in whenever I like.

This is the response I got from him.

"I am not sure today I can or not, tomorrow I got badminton exercise, Friday I got class, Saturday I can't."

When he needs help, I am always there to help. Now, he is telling me that he has a badminton session which is much more important than the help I need. I am not trying to say he must pay back what I done for him but at least, not until put badminton on top of his priority list rather than my simple request, right? He doesn't need to pay back me anything, I help him with sincerity, but I was hoping that he would appreciate me as friend, and help me as much as he can like what i did. Of cause I can't blame him is he really got very important thing to do. But badminton? Badminton?

Gosh.

Gosh.

I don't need him. I don't need anyone. Everybody has a mindset that this Miss LiChen always has the capability to settle everything and just ignore her!

I am helpless. Has anyone ever cared for me? Please? I am just an ordinary girl who needs some help and cares, is it too much to ask for that? Is it so difficult to give me some helps and cares? I am not a superwoman. I am tired trying to be one.